You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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