someone get that fucking seahorse.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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