I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
