thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
