Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
