I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
