You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
