I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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