these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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