i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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