bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
