Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize