Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
