my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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