i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just had sex on a roof
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
