when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
