I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
