While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
