WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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