the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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