it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
