I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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