i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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