Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
