i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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