I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Girls should come with a carfax report
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize