Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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