really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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