I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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