i need an iv and a liver transplant
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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