you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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