nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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