Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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