I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
