I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize