she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
