Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
