At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I love you.
Bad choice
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
