I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
