Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize