He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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