Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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