i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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