She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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