If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
