i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
