tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
