Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
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