I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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