The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Someone signed my nipple.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
