Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
