Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I have fence marks all over my body
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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