I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
