I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
It's blow job season.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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