Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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