And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
