Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
