The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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