these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
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