Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
