Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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