So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
