Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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