help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
