You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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