just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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