he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I had to cum in my sink.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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