either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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