what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
