she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
