She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
