just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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