My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
