Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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