did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize