and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
