ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
