like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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