I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
