i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize