apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
