Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
