After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
