Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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