I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize