I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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