just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
