Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
