also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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