Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
My vagina just clenched in fear
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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