Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
