Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
