I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
