I want to have your abortion
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
