Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
