Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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