I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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