Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
