Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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