office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
FUCK WHALES
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
