great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
