I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
