U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
