that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
