i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You dont lie about slip and slides
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
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